 Big Big Love: A Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size and Those Who Love Them
by Hanne Blank
ISBN 1890159166
available through Amazon
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- Reviewer: Jianda
Cornfed.
Big and beautiful.
More cushion for the pushin’.
Large and lusty.
You may be familiar with these terms equating the concept of being fat* with sexuality. Unfortunately more often than not, folks might hear phrases similar to the above-libidinous enticement and all-and still might not quite get it. Cute, pat euphemisms can cloud the issue. Enter Hanne Blank’s Big Big Love: A Sourcebook On Sex For People of Size.
The work, part creative nonfiction, part socially-aware sex ed, part “FA’s (Fat Admirers) Bible,” dances back and forth between playful, sassy and academic language, and comfortably so. Blank begins by addressing “fatphobes” from all walks of life, including the size-acceptance, LGBT and BDSM communities, and finishes the tome with a bang — literally! Of course, if you define yourself as fat, “Big Big Love” is a road map for reclaiming your sexual geography, inch by precious inch.
Playful and sassy one moment, informative and academic the next, Love delineates myths about size and sex in keen, careful detail for the purposes of self-healing — for societal and sexual healing. No matter where you weigh in on the scale, you may discover your own inner “fatphobe” between Blank’s pages. Or, you might have evolved to the point where you are comfortable with your weight, yet still compartmentalize your sexuality in several ways, many of which the work speaks to — e.g. feeling like it’s “not okay” to flirt because of your weight.
Likewise, in her “Communities and Cultures” chapter, Blank compares myths about LGBT and fat people, which more often that not are the same, and proceeds to debunk them. Along the lines of personal empowerment, her Confrontations and Comebacks section provides counter-fire — the likes of which I’d never seen — against small-minded insults. If some ignoramus hurls a snide, fatphobic comment at you or your Honey, Blank’s road-tested retorts will leave those suckers speechless.
Are we really so naïve as to think that fat people aren’t getting any? This is where the “sex” part of the book comes in. Blank’s resources and how-to’s on the subjects of masturbation, safer sex, men’s and women’s health, toys, bondage, erotic videos, social and political avenues, dating, websites, fetish and lingerie gear, mail order, and even the sexual quandaries and concerns of overweight teenagers provide recipes for self-loving that transcend, yet do not deny, the physical.
All told, the book isn’t called Big Big Sex, it’s called Big Big Love. Its yin-yang balance of strategies for sexual empowerment prove themselves invaluable for engendering a healthy sex consciousness, whatever your size, or size of choice.
And Hanne, I’ve got a new one-liner for your 2nd printing:
Dumbass Comment: “My God, your thighs are fat!”
Zaftig Diva Comeback: “All the better to top you with!”
* Note: by using the word “fat,” Hanne Blank feels she’s telling it like it is, much like you would call someone “six foot one,” or “brunette.” Quoth Hanne: “When ‘fat’ stops meaning ‘ugly’ or ’stupid’ or ‘lazy’ and just means ‘fat,’ it loses a lot of its power as a weapon.” (Excerpted from Hanne’s FAQ)
*The FAQ Originally read:
Q. Why do you use the word “fat”? Isn’t that insulting?
A. “Fat” is a simple, descriptive word for a physical state – no different than “tall” or “muscular.” As Hanne Blank points out in Big Big Love, “Using the word ‘fat’ correctly, especially when you are a fat person, is a political gesture…. When ‘fat’ stops meaning ‘ugly’ or ’stupid’ or ‘lazy’ and just means ‘fat’, it loses a lot of its power as a weapon.” |
Artist: Basque
